You Might Be An Abuser If…

You don’t think you are an abuser. In your mind, you are innocent and the whole world is against you. You play the victim card and expect everyone to feel sorry for you. Many people might know you as a wonderful person. But the people you have abused see you for what you truly are: a performer. Dancing around the stage in gaudy costumes and fake smiles will only work for so long, because the truth has a way of coming out one way or another.

You think you are always right. You believe your irrational opinions are the truth. You have forgotten that they are only opinions. There is no way to control what others think or believe, and instead of accepting that fact and moving on, you become obsessed with trying to change people’s minds. Sometimes you have succeeded in manipulating people to agree with your point of view. You might be able to convince thousands of people you are in the right, but if one person speaks out against you, consider what they are saying. You are not as righteous as you think you are.

You blame others for your mistakes. The argument you have been using is broken and no longer works. You say that if the person you abused had done something different, then you wouldn’t have abused them. That is a gross misinterpretation of the situation. The consequences to your actions are no person’s fault but your own. Take responsibility for your mistakes, because that is the first step to your redemption.

You made people feel like they were worthless. Self-worth is a fragile thing, and you have ripped it into a million pieces. The destruction you caused is not easily put back together. Your victims will always carry the knowledge of what you did to them, and the fact that you didn’t have enough respect for a fellow human being to stop when you had a chance. The people you abused wonder why you chose them. Many times they are randomly chosen, your sick version of the lottery. However the only thing your victims win is your mark permanently branded into their being. You never asked for permission. You only thought about yourself.

You think silence is consent. Although they may not audibly express their feelings, your victims are internally screaming for you to stop. This is shown in different ways, like flinching when you touch, pushing you away, or not looking you in the eye. And the most important rule: if someone is unconscious, do not touch them. That is not consent. That is rape.

This post is dedicated to anyone who has ever gone through abuse. You are not alone. What happened or is currently happening to you is not your fault. Get help as soon as you can.

by Sydney Jones

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